“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”
1 Peter 4:12-13
There was no escaping it ⎯ we were headed for an unforeseeable storm. The magnitude of what loomed on the horizon was impossible to predict. Initially, when my husband, Mike, and I set our sails toward Ireland the skies were clear, the waters calm, and the overall forecast favorable. Confidence in God’s leading to church plant on the “Emerald Isle” abounded as each faith step found its welcome in an answered prayer. We were cautious. Yet, the support our little family of four acquired in a matter of months blew us away, to the point where our hearts, burdened to share God’s grace with the Irish, were certain we’d met an open door. Knowing full well that this calling would not be an easy one, we prepared for challenges. However, the dark threatening clouds forming before our eyes left us wondering.
“Babe, check out this knot in my belly button. I think it’s getting bigger,” Mike said. “Have you seen anything like this?” With a look of concern, he stretched the skin surrounding his navel, revealing an odd looking bubble, firm to the touch.
“Huh, that’s strange. Do you think it’s a hernia?” I entered “umbilical hernia” into the Google search engine on my iPhone. With a light tap on the magnifying glass icon, a barrage of stomach turning images took over the screen. Ugh, I don’t know if I can handle this medical stuff.
“I thought it could be a hernia too,” he said, still shifting the skin in hopes of catching a better view. “Are you looking it up?”
Nodding my head yes, I pulled up an image somewhat resembling the “knot” in question. “Yeah, I think it’s a hernia.” Confident in my reply, I showed him the picture.
“Man, I should get this taken care of before we move. I know most hernias aren’t serious, but who knows what it’ll be like to go through the medical system there. Can you believe in just a few months we’ll be living in Ireland? Time is going to fly by.”
At that moment, a slideshow of memories flashed across my mind. They began with a snapshot of myself at nineteen, a single college student praying in secret about a country I’d never visited. They culminated with a memory of our growing family seeking the Lord atop a lush green hill overlooking a beautiful town on the west coast of Ireland — the town that would soon be our home. My heart quickened as a whirl of nervous excitement came upon me. “Eight years of prayer and it’s actually happening.” Oh Lord, I hope we’re ready.
Within a couple weeks our suspicion was confirmed by the primary care physician and Mike was sent home with a referral for a surgeon. According to the physician, hernias like his were fairly common and easily addressed. Hope broke through the marbled clouds like a golden ray of sunlight. Still, the periodic cries of our four-month-old son and the chaos created by our playful two-year-old daughter were not enough to distract my mind from the consultation underway between Mike and the surgeon. Lord, I know I shouldn’t worry…I just wish I could be there. A loud buzz directed my attention to the coffee table where I left my cell phone. Mike’s contact picture popped-up on the screen. Finally!
I rushed to answer the call before the vibrating stopped, then pushed the pillows aside to grab a seat on the couch. “Hey sweetie. How’d it go? Are you on your way home?”
“Yeah, I’m on my way. But…” He hesitated, uncertain if it would be better to talk about the appointment in person.
“Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know. I think so. But, the surgeon said it’s not a hernia, it’s something different.”
In a moments pause I tried to rein in my stampeding thoughts. “Oh. Did the doctor have an idea of what it could be?”
“Well, he said it could be a urachal cyst. Apparently, the urachus connects the bladder and the umbilical chord while you’re in your mom’s womb. It usually disappears before you’re born, but in rare cases it can remain into adulthood. He isn’t a hundred percent sure that’s what it is, but Erin, he mentioned these cysts have a twenty-five percent chance of being cancerous. He’s ordered a CT scan for Monday in hopes of getting a better idea of what we’re dealing with. Babe, I’m kinda nervous. What if it’s cancer?”
There it was ⎯ the crash of thunder that disrupted any semblance of peace, marking the onset of our fiercest battle with “what if?”
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“What if?” It’s the question that plagues our mind, unleashes our imagination, and gives way to the corridor in our heart where every suppressed fear and insecurity reside. Even at the first sight of storm clouds, our most dreaded thoughts begin to surface.
- Finding a suspicious lump in your breast.
- Receiving a certified letter from your lender.
- Discovering a conspicuous scent on your teenager’s clothing.
- Spotting a dubious text message on your spouse’s phone.
The mental jump into the perilous sea of “what if” only takes a millisecond.
- What if it’s cancer?
- What if we lose our home?
- What if my child is using drugs?
- What if my husband is having an affair?
And at the heart of it all…
- What if I’m right on course for pain and suffering?
When we suspect a storm brewing it’s tempting to allow our minds to run wild, isn’t it? I mean, it’s only sensible to think through all the possibilities so we are prepared for the bad news when it comes, right? On the contrary, a mind on the run merely grants anxiety permission to sit in the captain’s chair of our emotions.
Elisabeth Elliot offers powerful insight on the subject in her book, Secure in the Everlasting Arms. She writes, “We are meddling with God’s business when we let all manner of imaginings loose, predicting disaster, contemplating possibilities instead of following, one day at a time, God’s plain simple pathway. When we try to meet difficulties prematurely we have neither the light nor the strength for them yet.”
The future, which is unknown to us, is the business of our sovereign, all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present God. In fact, according to Psalm 139:16, all the days fashioned for us were written in His book, before there was yet one of them. He knows the forecast of our lives down to the nanosecond with perfect accuracy. So then, while we cannot know with certainty what tomorrow holds, we can confidently rest in the knowledge that our Heavenly Father has already been there. Our business is to daily follow His lead, trusting that He has been and will continue to prepare us in His inscrutable wisdom for any trouble that may lay ahead.
We’ve also been given instruction by Jesus on the subject of anxiety and worry in the Gospels. In Matthew chapter 6, Jesus draws our attention to the faithful provision of our Heavenly Father, who feeds the birds of the air and clothes the grass of the field with glorious lilies, even though their value is relatively small in comparison to man, whom God made in His own image.
Jesus concludes with, “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (English Standard Version, Matthew 6:31-34).
When storm clouds darken our horizon, it serves us well to remember both God’s sovereignty and His faithful care for us. Indeed, He knows precisely what’s needed, long before the need ever arises. He knows our frame, that it is but dust (Psalm 103:14, Psalm 139:15). He is the One who knit us together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:14). He is well acquainted with all of our ways. So then, if the rain is to fall and the waves crash upon us, we can trust that He knows how to provide what we personally need in order to endure any hardship. He will faithfully supply us with wisdom and arm us with the strength required at the appropriate time, if we continue to wait on Him. An anxious mind only proves to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually harmful to us.
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Beautifully written Erin and a beautiful reminder of the Hope we have in Christ, even in the midst of our most difficult suffering. He is sovereign over all things and Psalm 139:16 speaks perfectly to that “all the days fashioned for us were written in His book, before there was yet one of them”.
Thank you so much! ☺️ Yes! That verse has always been one of my anchors. I draw such encouragement from that passage in every season.
Beautifully done, Erin. You have a gift for sharing your experiences in a light of relevance to our own, and bringing the passages of scripture to life.
Thank you so much Nancy!
I love this idea Erin and your expression of your personal journey though the storm you and Mike faced. So many people can connect to it whether it is cancer related, or as you mention, other issues we face in life that will have an impact on us. I love that you point us to faith and trust in Almighty God, who knows that which we don’t.
I look forward to reading part two and to seeing how the scriptures you share in part one came to life in your journey and connect us back to what you discovered as you were walking through the storm. Keep writing! I know God has blessed you with this wonderful gift!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your encouragement! It blesses me more than you know.
Once again, a beautifully written piece and once so relatable for people. I hope this is seen and shared far and wide. It is needed for so many people. ❤️
Thanks so much Shell, for walking the road with us and for continuing to be a voice of encouragement in my life!
This was so relatable, encouraging and filled with truth. I was so blessed reading it Erin! It’s such a conscious choice we have to make to starve our panicked flesh and choose The Lord’s peace that He offers!! The scriptures you selected were perfect reminders. Thank you so much for sharing!
Oh I’m so glad, Holly! Thank you so much for reading and giving such encouraging feedback!
This was truly so encouraging to me. Thank you so much for putting this wisdom into words. Beautiful words at that!! Your writing is excellent!!
Oh I’m so glad! Thank you for taking some time to read and encourage. I’m so blessed
Erin – I am so excited to see you writing again! This is excellent! Such a smooth transition from your personal story to talking about God and Bible quotes. You have always had a special gift to intertwine the two. Your personal story draws the reader in allowing us to relate to your story. God has blessed you with this gift so that you may bless others. All of us have “what if’s”, some are just more prominent than others. Or they are happening with loved ones and overflow into our lives. This writing gives the opportunity to share the peace of God with others. Thank you for sharing!!!
Yes. I’m just so blessed, and a little astounded, by His grace in giving me words to write to bring any sort of edification or comfort. Thanks for encouraging me!
Erin, such a beautiful gift … I love the way your words reveal the Holy Spirit speaking to you, prompting you, tweaking you, ministering to you even as events unfolded and you and Mike were talking. Thank you for revealing God biggest truths and greatest promises in your very own life experiences. Love you … and this … so much.
Thank you so much Connie! Love you too!
Erin, God has given you a precious, costly gift. Thank you for using it to teach us, correct us, encourage and strengthen us. Thank you for sharing your heart, your memories, even the intimate conversations you and Mike shared. Please keep writing. Write a book! We all need it for the various trials and tribulations we face. Love you, Sister-in-Christ. ❣️
Thanks Rochelle! This is prayerfully an excerpt from the first chapter of a book I’ve been working on. Thanks so much for reading and encouraging me in that direction. It does seem a bit daunting sometimes. I may share a bit from this chapter in the coming days just to complete the thoughts that were started in this post. Love you and your family!
Erin I am moved to several emotions while reading your words; joy, peace, sorrow, uncertainty and so much more. I just finished watching the video of Mike telling a bedtime story to the kids last night and then reading your amazing words stirred so many emotions. I love the way you write and I look forward to reading more. You are such a blessing to so many in so many ways. I truly love you and your ways.
Love you Linda! Thank you so much for sharing with me. I’m so thankful the Lord brought us together through Bible Study! You have been such wonderful supporter and encourager to me. I’m truly blessed!
Erin, I am deeply touched every time I read your posts. Thank you for sharing what is needed more than anything these days…well, all days…everyday: faith in God. Putting our trust in Him, believing what He says in His word, walking by faith. What if’s have certainly stumbled me in the past. Thank you for reinforcing the truth. Love you!
Thank you so much Dana! Thank you for always sharpening me and my writing! I sure miss you.
Erin, so thankful for the way the Lord has you write and speak straight into the heart. So appreciate this post and the encouragement it brings to my heart-reinforcing once again Gods sovereignty and plan for all the steps of our lives. Love you!
Thank you so much Chris! I just praise Him. He is so good to prepare a path for each of us to walk and glorify His name. Love you! Thanks for your kind encouragement!
I am so honored to be invited to read your beautiful writing about the storm clouds you and Mike faced. As a long-time caregiver for my husband, I often play the “what if” game. It serves no purpose. I pray about it. Then, I’m doing it, again. Thank you for the Bible verses that I can refer to.
Oh it’s my absolute delight to share and I’m so very blessed that you took some time to read a little bit of what I learned through my own storm. I know those “what if” worries can pop up over and over again. It was certainly a battle for us throughout Mike’s cancer journey until the Lord took him Home. I’ll be keeping you in prayer as you care for your husband.
Erin, I’m so deeply touched by this glimpse into the thoughts and feelings that come with our walks with the Lord. We all have these “What ifs,” and are in need of the Lord’s assurance each and every time. 🙏 Thank you for walking me through this path of submission to His calling to learn to take every thought captive with you. I look forward to each new chapter. 🕊
Thank you so much Beth, I so appreciate you. Thank you for your encouraging response!
Beautiful Erin…just beautiful, and encouragning. Thank you for sharing and writing!!
Thank you so much Barry! That means so much! When I first started writing, the Lord prompted through your example. So thank you for being such a wonderful example to me!
I am humbled by that Erin…thank you!