O God, You have taught me from my youth;
And to this day I declare Your wondrous works.
Psalm 71:17
Hundreds of voices filled the sanctuary as hands raised to heaven declaring passionately through song,
“I believe in You, I believe in You, You’re the God of miracles.”
Once an anthem of hope, now a throbbing sting in my heart. We raised countless prayers throughout my husband’s two-and-a-half-year battle with cancer, petitioning the Lord to do the miraculous on our behalf. Brothers and sisters in Christ joined us from across the globe in fasting and praying for healing. All we needed was the Lord to say the word and the cancer would flee. As treatments failed, I thought, “You’re just setting the stage, Lord. The graver the circumstance, the more glorious the miracle.” How many times did I say so to Mike as he bravely suffered? The empty chair beside me served as fodder for the Accuser.
“But, He didn’t do the miraculous for you, did He?”
Here, another attempt from the adversary to steal away my refuge, but this time I felt too weak to fight.
“Lord, we believed in You. I believed in You. Why didn’t You do the miraculous for us?”
It was the question looming within that I feared asking, uncertain where it would lead. I determined from the beginning to receive the Lord’s plan for our family with reverent trust, so I avoided the hard questions, seeing the potential for a seed of anger to fall into the soil of my heart. Now it was officially in the open for God to address in His way and in His time.
“I just need a glance from heaven’s viewpoint,” I thought, drying my eyes with the edge of my sleeve, hoping to erase any evidence of tears before the house lights came on.
Perhaps you’ve found yourself in this very place, internally wrestling over the difficult questions only God can answer, longing to see through His eternal eyes. It’s been three years since Mike’s passing and, while the Lord hasn’t offered specific answers to my aching questions, He’s tenderly and graciously shown me glimpses of the miraculous work of His hand as I’ve continued to find shelter in His presence.
Undoubtedly, while I was praying for God to do the miraculous on our behalf, His providential hand was already delved deep in a far greater miracle. Though it wasn’t quite what I had in mind in those days, months, and years spent pleading, I must concede that the miraculous salvation the Lord has, is, and will accomplish on our behalf is eternally more glorious than a supernatural escape from cancer.
In fact, we’ve all been born with a malignancy far more destructive and exponentially more lethal than any form of cancer. Yet, by God’s grace even before the foundations of the world, a divine intervention was planned and set in motion. A solitary way was prepared for us, through faith, to be forgiven and healed—His name is Jesus.
When we’re disheartened by the circumstances this life brings, it serves us well to remember first what Jesus has already done. Through a miraculous conception, God stepped down from Heaven, took on human flesh and dwelt among us. While being tempted in all points and sympathizing with us in our weakness, He remained sinless. In suffering the cross, He became our perfect substitute and the divine retribution for our sin. Once condemned by sin, those having received Him by faith are now declared righteous. Miraculous!
Still, the Almighty is not content solely to see us justified before the Holy One. His salvation is ongoing. He is miraculously conforming us to the image of our beloved Jesus, replacing our hearts of stone with hearts of flesh, giving us a new spirit, a new nature by which we may glorify Him on the earth. While a supernatural release from suffering may be more desirable and appear more glorious, sometimes the greater miracle He supplies is supernatural peace, faith, and endurance. Surely, Mike couldn’t bear the agonizing cancer journey with the grace and strength with which he bore it save for that latter miracle. Nor would he experience the reward of so great an influence for the Kingdom had the Lord spared him from cancer altogether.
Yet, there is also a miraculous work He has done in me as I’ve suffered, in my own way, alongside Mike through his battle with cancer and in becoming a widow and single mother at a young age. Indeed, Jesus is continually saving me, producing in me a strength and perseverance I’ve not previously known, refining my character and giving me a hope that will not disappoint. At times the glorious miracle He is achieving for us involves a timely deliverance or healing, but sometimes—often times—the greater miracle He achieves involves transforming our shattered lives and broken hearts into ones that better resemble His.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18
Through it all, He is faithful to bring us to the culmination of this miraculous salvation – a wondrous glorification to come. We have this hope, that just as Jesus achieved victory over death, having risen on the third day, death will have no claim on us. As He promised, we shall be changed, we shall be made like Him at His glorious appearing and enjoy fellowship with our Savior, face to face. MIRACULOUS!
Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O Death, where is your sting?
O Hades, where is your victory?”
The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15:51-58
I often reflect on the testimony of my dearest Mike. It’s true that prior to surrendering his life to Jesus at the age of 19, he dealt drugs, considered himself a binge drinker, was filled with anger, and wrestled over the vanity he witnessed in the world. But, by the grace and power of God, he was made an entirely new creation in choosing to follow Jesus. When it was his time to depart this life to be with Christ at the age of 32, he was a meek man (power under control), a cherished Bible teacher and pastor, a compelling evangelist, a faithful husband and loving father, a devoted son and brother, whose faith endured and whose sins were forgiven. Now, he enjoys this miraculous salvation in the presence of his Savior.
So, if you’re a child of God whose wondering if He will do the miraculous on your behalf, I pray you draw faith from the reality that He already has, He currently is, and He certainly will.
"What Grace is Mine"
by Erin Swanson
What grace is mine through faith in Christ Jesus
Redeemed, restored, sweet peace with Creator
From shackles of sin and death He frees us
To stand in the righteousness of the Savior
Yet grace has not finished its work on me
New desires for godliness grow within
Still this flesh I contend en route to holy
Even in weakness, His grace sufficient
But the grace awaiting excites me most
To see as He sees, to know as I’m known
Perfected in glory beside heav’nly host
Unspeakable joy, He calls me His own
When tempests mount against this wearied heart
Remember what grace is mine at the start
Wow…..!!!!! Praise God…
Thank you Dad ❤️
So deeply moving, Erin. Thank you for teaching us what it means to walk by faith and not by sight, and to come back to a place of trust when the questions crop up and try to derail our faith in Christ. Much love to you and your precious children.
Thank you so much Rochelle ❤️ Sending our love to the Kissack family as well!
This is a very helpful essay, Erin. It acknowledges the extreme difficulty of faith for one in the midst of God’s hard providences, but encourages us grasp by faith that what God is doing in and through the hard providences is ultimately better than the miraculous salvation that we asked for. It’s so encouraging to know that someday everything that is now painful and mysterious will be swallowed up in God’s victory over all death and pain, and that we will see what part the pain we had to suffer had in His bringing that glory about.
Thank you so much for your comment, Tim! That’s exactly what I was hoping to draw out. We sure miss seeing the Grahams! I hope you all are doing well.
Erin,
Beautifully spoken yet with a powerful message to soak in. Thank you for being a vessel of wisdom and light of the Lord. He continues to use you in ways to impact others’ hearts as just another extension of Mike’s legacy as well. Thank you for sharing, thank you for being obedient to the calling the Lord has shown you. We are all so blessed because of it! Love you sweet friend!
Aw, thank you so much Amy! I so appreciate all the ways you have supported the kids and I. You are a blessing to us. We love you too!
Tears. I love you. So very much.
I love you to Dana! Thank you so much for reading and encouraging me along the way.
Thank you for this encouraging message Erin. God is doing miracles everyday. I pray for Open eyes and hearts to be looking for Gods Hand in our midst. He is so so good.
Amen Tommy! Everyday! I pray for the same open eyes and heart to see God’s hand.
Wow!! Your words, so perfect in every way. So encouraging!! I don’t know what I would do without Jesus in my life! Thank you Erin for being such a wonderful, inspiring instrument of Christ. Thank you Mike !! , for your love for Jesus!! even tho your in heaven your light still shines here on earth. Praise God!
I love you, Erin!!😘❤️🙏🏻
Aw, I love you too Dodie! 💕 Thank you so much for being an encourager in my life when I’ve needed one. You are a gift!