(Written January 7, 2018)
Today marks one year since we celebrated the life of our beloved Mike. Whenever I look at this picture I am overwhelmed by all the love and support our family was shown on such a significant day. A day that I would have expected to be unbearably difficult became a day that was truly beautiful. I’m still thanking the Lord for everyone who played a part in making it so special for all of us. In remembrance of Mike, I thought I would post my tribute, which I shared at his memorial service last year.
Mike and I never really talked much about his wishes for this day, but there was one conversation we had where he asked me if I would speak at his memorial. I knew that he wasn’t putting any pressure on me, it was just a question out of curiosity, but I could see the desire in his eyes for people to hear an account of his life from me, his well-loved wife. So I’m just going to share a bit of our story and what the Lord has shown me as I reflect back on the time I was given with my beloved husband.
Many of you may look at Mike’s life and what you see is a life cut short. But, when I think on our life together I cannot help but see God’s sovereign hand and the precision of his timing all the way back to the moment we met in December 2007, when Mike joined high school ministry here at CCEA. Mike and I were always amazed that we both went to Fairmont Elementary, Bernardo Yorba Middle School, and Esperanza High School together, we’ve lived within a mile of each other, and attended the same church for a period, but never knew each other. In fact, looking back at our old pictures we didn’t even recognize each other’s faces. It was almost as if God blinded our eyes to one another because God had a precise time for us to meet.
When Mike stepped into leadership in the High School Ministry, where I had been serving, I in no way shape or form wanted to date anyone unless I was certain he was going to be my husband, as I had just had a break-up a month and a half prior. But sitting in our youth ministry meetings early on Sunday mornings, I couldn’t ignore this guy who seemed to read my thoughts as he answered Bible questions and shared my heart as he would pray nearly verbatim what I was feeling prompted to pray. I had barely said hello to him, and yet it felt as though we had a connection spiritually that I had never experienced before. So here I was, sensing that God might be pointing him out to me and I just started praying. I had no intention of pursuing Mike. I didn’t feel that was my place, but I wanted to know him, know his character. I tried to find ways to naturally have conversation with him. I remember casually crossing his path at a winter retreat and started a conversation that lead to us sharing our testimonies.
I went first, telling him how I grew up in a Christian home and distinctly remembered asking Jesus to be my Savior at 4 years old. I explained how I didn’t understand the implications of that decision when I was in elementary school, seeing my sinfulness in the way I frequently lied to my parents about homework and used bad language in an attempt to fit in with a more popular crowd. I shared how God deepened my understanding of what it meant to live for Christ in 5th grade and how I purposed not just to have Jesus be my Savior but also my Lord.
I don’t know exactly what I expected to hear from Mike, maybe a testimony somewhat similar to mine. I mean, I had observed his maturity and deep reverence for God. I felt our passion for the Lord was very much the same. He must have a similar story…right?
What I heard left me completely stunned. He shared very openly with me how he came from a broken home and was introduced to drugs and alcohol at a young age by someone who he would have expected to protect and guard him from such stuff. He shared how he eventually began dealing drugs and was quite successful at it, but the Lord was pursuing him heavily and he sensed a war ensuing for his soul. As he drove back and forth from where he kept his drug stash he would listen to KWVE 107.9 and hear pastors teach the Bible. He believed God, but wasn’t ready to give everything up to follow him until one particular day when the pastor on the radio said “you can’t serve two masters. You cannot serve both God and money”. He shared with me how at that point he chose God.
I remember just being in complete shock. I had heard stories of how men gave up drugs and alcohol for a time only to fall prey to it again later on in life and I questioned whether or not he would be a risk. Yet, Mike’s godliness kept shining through. I remember hearing him teach the Bible for his very first time on Jeremiah 29:11, his favorite verse at the time. I was just amazed by his passion for God and his word. I saw how respectful he was to women, never witnessing a lustful glance, never flattering or flirting. He was completely fixated on Jesus. We both participated in a street evangelism ministry through our College group and he was such a bold, effective evangelist. To top it all off he had a heart for missions, particularly, for Ireland, the same country that I had been praying about for several years. Any concern I had about his past was quickly nullified.
I have never more clearly seen 2 Corinthians 5:17 fleshed out than in Mike, which says
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Some of you knew the Mike before Christ. He may have been one of your best friends, your teammate, or a family member. Perhaps for some of you Mike’s decision to follow Christ left a hole because he stopped hanging around as often. He expressed to me how stepping away from you was one of the most difficult decisions he had to make but, in doing so, he gained freedom in Christ, which was everything to Mike.
The Mike I met was a new man. In fact, I cannot even picture Mike before Christ because as he described that man to me, it was so entirely different from the man before me. God had a precise time for us to meet because the Mike that God wanted me to know was the man after God’s own heart that I had spent all those years in high school praying for, the man that was rooted and established in Jesus and God’s word.
Not only did God have a precise time for us to meet, but there was a precise time for us to enter into dating and marriage. By the time Mike asked me out on our first date I had spent 8 months praying about him and already knew that this was headed to marriage, though I waited for Mike to take the lead in expressing such assurance. I loved how Mike was so careful to protect my heart in dating. He didn’t want me to fall too hard too fast before he was certain that this was what God desired for us. He found his answer in his quiet time one day when he sought the Lord about our relationship and the Lord gave him Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Shortly thereafter he told me he loved me in his little Saturn Ion outside of Cheesecake Factory. We both had the assurance we needed and on our 2nd mission trip together in Ireland he asked me to be his wife. He was so proud of his proposal, but I agreed, you couldn’t top it, it was perfect! On September 5th, 2010 we were married and life was so exciting. He was brought on full time at the church as an Assistant Youth Pastor and God continued to develop his gift of teaching the Bible. He was so excited to see young students take hold of Jesus and grow in the Word. It was truly a thrill.
The next mark of God’s precise timing was in the birth of our children. About 7 months into marriage Mike and I started having what some call “Baby Fever.” This was somewhat unexpected because our plan was to do ministry, travel, and just enjoy marriage for a few years before having kids. But the more we thought about the possibility of having a baby, the greater our desire grew for one. We gave it over to the Lord, the author of Life, and just asked Him to do as He pleased and 9 months into marriage we were pregnant with our first child. I remember Mike initially only wanted boys, but when we found out we were having a girl, Mike couldn’t be more excited. Before she was born, Mike began calling her Chloe, a name that we had come across while reading through 1 Corinthians together. On March 25th, 2012 Chloe was born and she instantly had Mike’s heart. He adored her and always remarked how she was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. In turn, Chloe was always a daddy’s girl. He knew exactly how to calm her down and she always wanted to please him. Chloe’s addition to our family was perfectly timed by God. It was not our initial plan, but God filled our lives and our hearts with more love and more joy than we ever thought possible.
Now that we were a family of 3 we started thinking about buying a house. As we were praying and looking into such a big financial decision we received a clear “No” from the Lord, this was not His timing for that, and He began stirring up our heart once again towards Ireland. Mike and I spent several months praying about moving our family across the pond long term to serve the Lord and perhaps start a church. Mike sensed the Lord nudging him to talk to Pastor Bob about it and with the church’s support we started preparing for this new faith venture. At the same time, we started having the desire to expand our family and shortly after Chloe’s first birthday we found out that we were pregnant. We continued seeking and preparing to plant a church throughout the pregnancy. That summer Mike led a short term team to Dublin in support of Calvary Chapel Dublin and then in the Fall we took Chloe on a scouting trip around Ireland to scope out several towns we were praying about for a church planting location as well as for Mike to glean wisdom from various missionaries and pastors who had been serving there. I always appreciated how Mike sought the counsel and wisdom of others. He humbly recognized that his understanding was limited and I never doubted his leadership of our family because I knew he sought the Lord and he listened to others.
Come December 7th, the Lord blessed us with our son, Caleb. He was and still is a “mini-Mike.” You cannot look at his little face without seeing him. We quickly felt that our family was complete. Life couldn’t be better. We now had a girl and a boy and our dreams of going to Ireland were nearing reality. We were overwhelmed by the support our family, friends, and church body displayed toward this move to Ireland.
As all the finances were falling into place, Mike thought he should go to the doctor to take care of a suspected hernia. After a month and a half of running tests we finally received the diagnosis: advanced mucinous adenocarcinoma. We went from the greatest high to utter brokenness and yet, even still, we saw God’s hand on Mike’s life and experienced His love and presence in a way we never had before.
Mike had a very rare and advanced form of cancer. For Mike to be able to have his operations and survive them was a miracle in and of itself. Had his cancer continued to go undiscovered, without God intervening when He did, then Mike would have had much less time than we enjoyed with him. There were discoveries along the way through the process of his body fighting cancer, which God used to prolong his life until the right day when the Lord would take him home. I think of his attitude throughout it all and realize he was both utterly strong and utterly broken. I witnessed his conscious choice to not just throw in the towel but to give everything that he had for the Lord. Everyone knew it was hard to get him to stop working because he was so faithful and determined and diligent. He cared about people and the kingdom and his ministries. He wasn’t selfish about his life, even in his last days. He gladly spent his life for the Lord, and it was spent fully.
Through his cancer, Mike had an opportunity to lead his own daughter to trust Jesus. The breaking down of his body gave him an opportunity to talk with her about heaven. Leading Chloe to the Lord was very significant to him. He said that if the only reason he got cancer was to lead his daughter to faith, then he was glad for it. Mike was always a powerhouse; bold and brave in witnessing. But Mike also recognized he had a weakness in compassion. He felt that through cancer the Lord was teaching him compassion. Like any husband and wife we fought from time to time, but after cancer the little arguments stopped. We realized how petty these things were and we truly set out to cherish every moment.
Some people may look at Mike’s life as a tragedy. But I don’t. Instead of a tragedy, I see a man whose days were ordained for him before there was yet one of them, as David writes in Psalm 139. I don’t see a life cut short, but a life that accomplished all that God intended. I see a life that is still being used to bring people to faith in Jesus. Outside of his family, that was Mike’s heartbeat. This is probably because Mike never forgot the point at which God saved him. He never took for granted the opportunity God had given him to know Him. He really felt that God hunted him down to give him more than he ever deserved. So to Mike, everything that he got to do in his life, all the experiences and opportunities – all of it was grace.
Make no mistake, Mike will be missed. But I believe God does not leave a void that He doesn’t intend to fill. That does not mean that Mike is replaceable – he could never be. I think it means that God is able to fill the gap with the comfort and provision that He brings in himself. God is stepping into that gap already. I have already seen it through the response of the body of Christ, the church. Here too is God’s grace. So I’ll stand with Mike and say, along with him, all of it is grace. And this is the God we trust – the God who turns what the world considers tragedies into grace for us.
